Magic School

 What do you think is the most important thing for today's kids to learn in school?

"Do you think that's Professor Erlich," a student asked, gesturing toward the emaciated corpse propped up in a desk chair in the corner of the classroom.

"Indeed, I am," came a voice from inside the student's head. "Apologies for not making it clear."

A piece of chalk floated up and drew an arrow from where the professor's name was written on the chalkboard to the corner where the corpse sat.

"I'm sorry," the student stammered. "I should've realized."

"It is not a problem," the voice assured. "I assure you, I hear that question often. You may sit where you like. Class will begin in a few minutes."

Students continued to enter the classroom until a bell announced the beginning of classes.

"Welcome students," the voice entered the students' heads after the bell stopped. "I am Professor Dimitri Erlich." The corpse in the corner shuddered slightly, drawing attention to itself. "And this is your first year in the study of Healing magic."

The professor paused as the students silently looked to each other.

"I will start by explaining why I began studying and teaching Healing," the professor continued before the students could begin murmuring. "I believe that will answer the questions that, I have no doubt, are floating through your minds now.

"I am the way that I am--" the corpse wiggled slightly with the words "--not because of a lack of Healing, but because of the improper application of Healing. The Healer who helped me during my... crisis, which I will not detail, was poorly trained. He failed to understand the fundamental balance of life and body. Merely preserving one's life and not the body, which is what this Healer did, is insufficient for true Healing, and vice versa. It results in what you see before you, a highly inconvenient and frustrating existence that could be avoided by the proper understanding of fundamental Healing.

"And that is the topic we will cover extensively in this first year of study. You, in the front row--" a piece of chalk gestured at a student "--would you please hand out the syllabuses on my desk? Thank you. Now, to begin with..."

(written 2021 March 4)

Blood

 Have you ever lived in another country besides your country of birth? Would you want to?

"So wait, why can't you give blood?"

"I used to live in Germany for a year. For some reason, that makes me ineligible to donate."

"That's kinda cool, though. I didn't know you lived over there."

"Not much to tell. I was an infant, so I don't remember any of it."

"Ah, that sucks."

"Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it."

(written 2021 March 3)

Eyes

 Write about a time everything changed in the blink of an eye.

I stared deep into his eyes. I could sense the determination. The pride. The need to dominate me.

My throat tightened as I continued to stare. I could not look away. That need was in me too. I would not let him overpower me.

A knowing grin bloomed on his face. He knew I did not have the strength to resist. My lips parted slightly as my willpower finally slipped.

I blinked.

"Ha! I win," he shouted, raising a victorious fist. I crossed my arms and looked away with a huff. I do not know how, but he always wins these stupid staring contests.

(written 2021 March 2)

Peculiar Times

 You've traveled to the past and changed something. What did you change, and what are the consequences?

He appeared suddenly one day. I ran to the laundry room after hearing a loud noise, and saw an old man rummaging through the clothes drier. He removed a single tube sock, nodded to himself, and disappeared in a flash of light and sound before I could say anything. It was peculiar, to say the least.

-

I received the order in the morning. I am to relocate to a new housing pod in the eastern sector before lights-out. Any belongings I leave behind will be incinerated.

I saw it as I emptied my clothing storage unit. A single sock. I lost its mate decades ago in a peculiar event that replays in my mind every now and then. I am certain my memory has muddled the details, but I still have a mental image of the old man in the tight jumpsuit digging inside that ancient clothes drier.

I look at myself briefly as I pass a mirror screen, and I have a sudden realization. Glancing at the clock, I hastily leave my pod for the time web facility. It will be an expensive trip, but I know it must be done. I enter the date and time of that peculiar memory into the control panel, and listen to the device loudly spool its local chronospace. It is finally time to retrieve that sock's mate.

(written 2021 March 1)

Language

 Write about a historical event from the perspective of an animal.

Oh, for fuck's sake, Paul! Why are you waking me up in the middle of the fucking night? Oh, some fuckwit in a chapel lit a lantern, and that means the British are coming? They're already hear, dumbass, in case you didn't notice. I guarantee this can wait until the fucking morning.

All right, you're putting the saddle on now, so I guess we're really fucking doing this. All because your lazy ass can't run through the streets by yourself. You have to drag me into your shit.

This better be fucking worth it. There had better be a goddam cartload of fucking carrots in front of my stable in the morning, or I'm going to be pissed the fuck off.

So where are we going because of this bullshit? Lexington!? You can go fuck yourself. I'm going back to bed. You can easily walk that on your two stubby little legs. Hey! Don't jump on my back!

Argh, fine. Fine! Lets just get this fucking over with. Fucking revolutionary horseshit... 

(written 2021 February 18)

Fad

 What color do you feel like today?

BLUE FOOD FAD GRIPS THE NATION

by Jimbo - Jimbo News Network

It is called "blueing yourself," and it is the latest dietary craze spreading across social media. The goal is simple. For one month, eat nothing but blue-colored food until your skin turns a faint shade of blue, then post a picture of yourself online.

Being a rarity in the culinary world, the adventure of finding new food in the color blue is part of the appeal. Blueberries and blue cheese are the popular standards, but users are venturing far afield to meet their dietary needs, including starflower petals, and the rare and expensive blue lobster.

Scientists and dieticians, however, are not smiling. They warn that limiting food intake to such a small selection puts followers into serious risk of vitamin deficiencies and dangerous weight loss.

"It's important that people get a sensible mix of vitamins and minerals, especially with these fad diets," explains Dr. Sanders of the Mayonnaise Clinic. "Make it a part of the fad, if you have to. Eat a blue Flintstones vitamin every morning, for Christ's sake!"

Thousands have already "blue themselves" thus far, leaving millions of others green with envy.

(written 2021 February 17)

Commercial

 Write about something you purchased used.

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Every night, our casket acquisition specialists go out to find new and desirable caskets for our discerning customers. After disposing of any unwanted contents, these caskets are hosed down and sprayed with our patented Casket Rejuvenation Solution to eliminate all unpleasant odors. And voila! The casket is good-as-new, and ready for display during your next funeral service, at a fraction of the cost.

Our rolling selection of caskets disappears fast, so don't delay! Call today! Simply dial 1-800-DEAD-BOX to get in touch with Honest Jim's Used Casket Emporium! Because if it's just going to be buried in a hole, it shouldn't cost you an arm and a leg.

Once again, that's Honest Jim's Used Casket Emporium!

(written 2021 February 10)